Faith

Faith. What does that word mean to you? To me, it means that you have to believe that things will work out at the end. To me, it means you have to believe in the magic that this world has to offer. To me, it means you have to believe in yourself. Those three aspects of faith have shaped me into the human that I am today. Faith is a big part of my life. I started believing in faith when I was little and my beliefs have only gotten stronger through the years. I used faith to get through some of the toughest situations life threw at me. Now, I am stronger than ever because I believed that everything would work out in the end and it eventually did. Faith is a hard concept to grasp because it is abstract and complex. Sometimes situations seem like they will never get better but faith always has a way to work its magic.

When I was three years old, I was diagnosed with Autism. The doctors told my parents that I would never be able to speak, go to a regular school system, or be an active member of society. My family was crushed. Their worst nightmare came true but instead of perseverating over it, we worked hard to defeat it. At first it was a struggle but slowly but surely we worked hard to prove those doctors wrong. The thing that helped us accomplish this goal was faith. We had to have faith that things will work out at the end. We had to believe that despite the struggles we had to face, we would rise to the occasion. Faith was the reassurance that we needed when things were looking bad. Faith was the reason why I relearned to speak. Faith is the reason why we preserved through the regular public school system despite the higher-ups pushing us out the door. Faith is the reason why I am graduating college with a Bachelors Degree in Communication Studies this coming May. I have learned that faith was my ally but that was not always the case.

When I was younger, I would have patterns. If you do not know what those are, it was basically my daily routine that was based off the clock. I would have to abide by these rules that I set up or else I would have a meltdown. These patterns caused a lot of stress on myself. My parents even brought black electrical tape to tape over all the electrical clocks in the house. Eventually my parents had to wean me off my patterns by telling me that everything was going to be okay if I put on my pajamas at 8:30 pm instead of 8 pm or if I ate dinner at 7 pm instead of 6 pm. At first, I did not want to listen to them. I wanted to defy them by continuing my patterns. These patterns brought me comfort and predictability in a world that was unpredictable. One day I realized that these patterns were becoming to destructive to my life. I had to use faith to believe that I could break these patterns and open my mind to what life had to offer. I had to learn how to trust the process which is not an easy thing to do espiecally for an Autistic person. By believing myself, I allowed myself to be more open to the possibilities.

Faith is defined as the complete trust or confidence in someone or something. I need to trust the process in order to have a fulfilling life. I would love to have complete trust and faith into someone or something but life does not always give us that blessing. That is when you have to turn your faith into a different direction. You have to put your faith into the magic the world has to offer. You have to put faith into abstract concepts. Faith in positivity. Faith in magic. Faith in the good the world has to offer. If you put faith in abstract things, it will be easier to be positive.

Love Poems-A Collection

#1- In the Air
Romance was in the air
Butterflies were in my stomach
The wind blowing in his hair
My feelings were atomic

Butterflies were in my stomach
As he took my hand
My feelings were atomic
Our toes in the sand

As he took my hand
My heart fluttered like a dove
Our toes in the sand
I was starting to fall in love

My heart fluttered like a dove
We started to kiss
I was starting to fall in love
It was a moment that I did not want to miss

We started to kiss
Romance was in the air
It was a moment that I did not want to miss
The wind blowing in his hair

#2-Forbidden
There was a boy
His name was Troy
I was awestruck
Then we started to fuck

He touch made me feel alive
A part of my mind was revived
He was electrifying
This thought was terrifying

This love had to be hidden
For it was forbidden
The family hatred was strong
So we had to play along

I thought this was true love
His presence made my heart flutter like a dove
I thought he was the one
Until he said we were done

My heart broke into two
I did not know what to do
He stood there silent
I was about to get violent

I punched him in the face
He put me in my place
I was shocked
My world was rocked

He pulled out a gun
It was pointed his head
Bang! Bang!
He was dead

#3-On this Starry Night
The warm, summer air blew on my skin
I took a swig from the bottle of gin
The sky was covered in lights
On this starry night

I danced with him on the grass
Then I fell on my ass
He lifted me up with all his might
On this starry night

He kissed me on the lips
That were covered in chips
He was twice my height
On this starry night

The music started to get too loud
So we ran off from the crowd
There was nobody in sight
On this starry night

He put himself inside me
I felt passion and glee
He said I was tight
On this starry night

Turns out everyone were stalkers
Majority were also gawkers
I ran and took flight
On this starry night

It was 3 a.m.
I did not want to fun to end
He had to say goodbye
Om this starry night

#4-Broken
My first love broke me
I need repair
From the damage everyone could see
From the despair

I need repair
His words cut into me like a knife
From the despair
And the strife

His words cut into my like a knife
There is nothing there
And the strife
Is too hard to bare

There is nothing there
I’m ripping at the seams
Is too hard to bare
So I look at memes

I’m ripping at the seams
My first love broke me
So I look at memes
From the damage everyone can see