A Shit Ton of Fun

It was a warm, sunny day at Rowan University. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I was spending my day at the new Victoria building on campus. I was not too happy about this but you got to do what you got to do. It was just a normal day at Rowan University until something hilarious happened. Okay so there is this boy in my class who is a huge douchebag. He is always talking in class, making fun of anybody who is different, and trying to show off every chance that he gets. Oh not to mention that he is in PIKE also known as the sleaziest frat on campus.

I was sitting in the hallway waiting for class to start when all of the sudden, I hear his grating voice talking to his other frat brothers. I wanted to die. I turned towards him and saw something very peculiar. He had a strand of toilet paper hanging from his waistband. The toilet paper was covered in brownish-green stains. At first I was like what the heck is that but then I realized it was a used strand of toilet paper covered in poop. Nice dark, murky-colored poop. The kind of poop that screams I have explosive diarrhea. Then I got a waft of the boy’s bathroom and boy did it stink. It smelled like a skunk, a dumpster, and my grades had a baby. The ripeness of the shit that came out of him circulated the whole floor and all the way into my classroom.

Once we got into class, the professor started babbling on about communication ethics and of course, he had to chime in and flex his muscles every two seconds. This would be usually be annoying but today it was amusing. Why? Because he still had that poop-covered strand of toilet paper hanging from his pants. It was dangling every time he talked or got up to be a douche. He was completely obvious to the whole situation and nobody cared to tell him about it. It was too funny to tell.

At one point in the class, the professor was starting to talk about how to be ethical on social media so he thought it was a good idea to jump up and show her all of his social media profiles. When he was doing that, the poop-stained toilet paper fell onto the ground right in front of the professor. The professor picked it up and waved it in front of the class. He turned around and was mortified. He snatched the toilet paper from her hands and ran out of the classroom. The whole classroom erupted in laughter. I wanted to feel bad for him but I could not. It was karma for making fun of me in class. Later that day the incident went viral. If you clicked on the new Victoria building on Snap map, you saw a video of him running out of the classroom. That video was featured on the Barstool Rowan twitter account. It was the talk of the campus.

Life is interesting at times. What could have been a boring day turned into a shit ton of fun and I am not talking about the toilet paper. Class could be a dread to go to but moments like those make class and college worthwhile. It is nice to see people who think they are at the top of the world get a reality check in the blink of an eye. It was fun to watch this event unravel in front of my eyes and become a memory that I will cherish forever. The takeaway lesson from this ordeal is to always check your waistband before exiting the bathroom. You never know what you will find there.

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